My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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