You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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