i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
