I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
