I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
