Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
