So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
