you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
