i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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