i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
