i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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