So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
