So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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