Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize