sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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