Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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