I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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