My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
