he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
