Moan for me like Helen Keller
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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