During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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