just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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