she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
