did you get engaged???
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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