Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
