the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
