I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I wish you could order shots online.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
