Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
