Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
