My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
