We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
