hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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