Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
