I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
