i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
