Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
