You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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