Tell her she can't have a vagina
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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