we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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