apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
