god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
