i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I party with great urgency now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
