There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
