I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
