There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
