Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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