For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
