he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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