Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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