He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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