i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
