You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
