uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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