if i can run in heels then i can drive
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
