a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
