I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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