you didnt know i had herpes?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
