too bad you live with your parents still
now i know why i became what i already was.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
