i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
