It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
