he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize