i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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