Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
