living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize