if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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