The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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