You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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