we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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