I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
